How to Find a Therapist

Here's a step by step process that I use for myself, and in coaching my friends through their own search:

Step 1:

Write a 200 words or less email blurb including:

• One or two sentences about who you are. If there are any reasons you’re worried a therapist might not be well suited to working with you, or might discriminate against you (sexuality or gender stuff, addiction, neurodiversity, race, ability, cultural background, all that identity stuff) get it out there and out of the way right away. Yes, this can be scary, but IMO it’s better than wasting your time.
• What you’re looking to address in therapy.
• If you’ve been in therapy before, anything that was helpful to you in the past

Personal example: I find movement therapy very helpful. I also engage well with therapists who can/will use technical terms, explain what theories they draw on, or why certain approaches work without using lots of metaphors.

• If relevant, why you might want to work with a particular therapist.

Do they have experience working with people who have autism, eating disorders, folks dealing with grief… whatever it is! Are you curious about CBT or internal family systems or art therapy? Don’t know what approach you like - don’t worry! There’s research that shows that your rapport with your therapist is actually more impactful than their approach. If you do know, include it.

• Your insurance info and/or ability to pay out of pocket
• Schedule info if your schedule is tight or inflexible

This doesn’t have to be perfect. They’ll do an intake with you anyway at your first apt. It’s just baseline info, and it’s really helpful for both you and the potential therapist, and might save you a consultation fee with someone who is not a good fit. As a bonus, this can help you identify some of your priorities.

Here is an example:

Step 2:

Send your blurb to 10 or more therapists. If you are a member of a community that you’re afraid might be discriminated against, aim for 15 to 30. Spam it. I’m not kidding. The last time I did this for myself, I emailed 25 or 30 and maybe heard back from 6. I just helped someone else in another city, and we emailed 10 and heard back from 2. Don’t let that daunt you.

The most important thing: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don’t stress about whether you’re sending your email blurb to the most perfect therapist who you will have for the rest of your life - just send it. Decide later.

Who to send to:

1. Visit The GSM-Friendly Therapist List right here.
2. Visit: Psychology Today's Therapist Finder Tool
   
   Psychology Today is great! It’s what I use the most when the list above isn’t relevant. You can modify your search to include a variety of specialties, location, insurance, etc. The reason your email blurb is 200 words or less is so you can use their platform to contact people. Sometimes you’ll need to go through that therapist’s website to send your blurb.
   
   Therapists pay to have themselves listed on the site, are there are no ratings from actual clients, so keep in mind that it's not a comprehensive list of who is out there (some therapists don't want to pay $29.95/month) and once you have some likely prospects you, may want to ask about them in your local Queer Exchange.
3. Goodtherapy.org is another site you can use with a search function. I don’t use it, but it exists.

4. If there’s a therapist who sounds great for you, but doesn’t have the availability to see you, ask if there is anyone they recommend. Many therapists have their own lists they’re happy to share.
5. Another method - I’m calling it the TinderBro method: You know how some people (bros) just swipe right on everyone on dating apps, and only bother to read the profiles after they match with someone? Yeah. Why not try that? Send your blurb to everyone on a list. Just research the therapists who respond, then decide who is the best fit.

Step 3:

When you have heard back from a few therapists, they’ll each have their own process.

• They may ask a few simple questions via email.
• They will probably want to speak to you on the phone.
• Ultimately they’ll want to set up an intake apt.

Intake appointments cost money, so if the therapist is not covered by your insurance, see if you can talk with them on the phone first to get a better sense of whether they’re a good match.

See the previously mentioned pro tips! The first time I had to talk with therapists on the phone, I cried the whole time. Get a partner or a friend to be there with you if that’s helpful!

Step 4:

Meet some therapists! If you can, try to meet with two or three before deciding who you stick with. If you have a particular concern about their ability to serve you, share it so they can address it.

Ex: “What is your level of comfort working with working with people who are ___________?”

“What is your experience working with people who are dealing with _______?”

If they avoid answering your question, or you get odd vibes, trust your gut, and consider trying the next person.

They may have a form with lots of questions - but remember, you’re paying for this, and it’s important for you to evaluate them as much as they’re evaluating you. Refer back to the priorities you set when writing your blurb, or write out some new ones if you want. Trust your instincts. You don’t have to decide to go with one therapist immediately, and you can walk away at any time if they don’t seem like they can serve you.

Step 5:

Set up regular appointments - or try out someone else. You can fire your therapist and go back to Step 2 at any time. It's hard the first time, but not actually a big deal.

Other options for finding support:

Online therapy can also be a good option for many folks. Especially during Covid. More therapists are running virtual sessions, and that means you're no longer bound by geography... sort of. Unfortunately licencing often doesn't permit therapists to practice teletherapy across state lines, so it's best to look in the state you live and/or are insured in. International therapists may allow you to get around these restrictions. Check the resources page for some community-competent therapists who are based outside of the US.

Talkspace and BetterHelp are the two major pre-covid teletherapy options. They have different packages you can choose, and if you google there are articles that compare them.

I didn’t love text-based therapy; it took me too long to type out everything I wanted to say - but it was important for me as a step in learning how to advocate for my needs and wants with a mental health provider. Maybe it’s a good fit for you.